Us Catholic Girls
by evil-togepi1
Summary: Cassidy muses on the effect (or lack thereof) religion has had on her life. Rated for language and themes. A songfic to Alanis Morisette's "Forgiven."


Disclaimer: I can't say "Pokèmon" is mine. Well, I could, but then I'd be lying, wouldn't I? And the song "Forgiven," isn't mine, it's Alanis Morisette's. See, the thing is, she's got musical talent and I don't.

Warning: Dark themes. Religious themes. And although there is no blatant romance here, there is slight undertones of both Yamushipping and Neoshipping.

**"Us Catholic Girls**"

  
These shitty hotel beds. So Goddamn hard. Goddamn. _Thou shalt not take thy Lord's name in vain._ Goddamn, Goddamn, Goddamn! 

**You know how us Catholic girls can be  
We make up for so much time a little too late**

Is there any way to save my soul? After all I've done? That's like asking if Giovanni would ever give his fortune up to an orphanage so that he could join the Peace Corps. Ha.   
Giovanni...the Boss...I wonder if he's religious. Probably not. I bet he's an atheist. Lucky him. Must be nice not to secretly live in fear that one day a lightening bolt will strike you dead. Well, there's no way to make up for any of my sins, so I figure, hey, why bother trying?  
Now Butch...he's probably a Pagan, if he's religious at all. I don't know why, but something about him makes me think he's Pagan.  
Or a Satanist. Not the same thing as a Pagan, no matter what they told me in church.   
You know, Butch could even be a Buddhist. He's lucky too, then. It doesn't matter how badly he's fucked up his life. He's just going to keep getting reincarnated until he gets it right.But me, I'm gonna burn in hell.

**I never forgot it, confusing as it was  
No fun with no guilt feelings   
The sinners, the saviors, the loverless priests  
I'll see you next Sunday**

_Thou shalt not take thy Lord's name in vain...  
_"Goddamn it, Jessie," I used to mutter whenever I was pissed off at her. "Goddamn it."   
She was younger than me. Not by more than a few months, but still...she was younger than me, and we both acted like it. "What's wrong, Cass?" she asked nervously.   
I'd always say something like, "You know damn well what's wrong! You're being a Goddamn fucking moron, that's what's wrong."   
Jessie never went to church, so *she*never saw a problem with my language. But she didn't like it when I yelled at her. But always did, and she usually yelled back. Honestly, I don't know what she ever saw in me.  
_Thou shalt not steal...  
_Ha, ha. I work for Team Rocket. I steal for a living. How do you like that, Daddy? How do you like that, Mama? How do you like that?  
I. Steal. For. A. Living. A well brought-up Catholic girl like me *steals* for a living.   
"I'll see you next Sunday." That was another time. When I was young and...  
I won't say 'innocent.' They can make me believe in sin, they can make me believe I'll burn for eternity, but they can't make me believe in innocence. 

  
**We all had our reasons to be there  
We all had a thing or two to learn  
We all needed something to cling to  
So we did**

I roll over and look at Butch. His back is to me. I stroke his hair. Gently, but not that carefully. I don't need to be careful. He's a heavy sleeper, Butch.

  
**I sang Alleluia in the choir  
I confessed my darkest deeds to an envious man**

_Thou shalt not commit adultery...  
_I can't remember the actual commandment, but it was something like that. Oh, shit. I'm mangling the commandments, yet another thing I'll go to hell for. But who cares? Nobody I went to church with, *that's* for sure. They're too busy saving their own fucking skins. All to busy making sure *they* get to the pearly gates.   
I sidetracked myself...I've been doing that a lot lately...I never did that when I was younger. What is adultery, anyway? Sex with a married person or sex before marriage? It doesn't matter. The man I lost my virginity to (at the age of sixteen and a half) had a wife. So whatever adultery is, I committed it when I started having sex.   
You're not supposed to fuck people of your own gender, either. I'm not supposed to have sex with girls.   
Looks like Jessie and I are going to hell together, then. 

**My brothers, they never went blind for what they did  
But I may as well have**

  
What else did the church forbid? Masturbation, I think. At least, my mother did, saying that if we 'played with ourselves,' God would disapprove and blind us.   
My brothers - I had only brothers, being the only female child out of five - jacked off all the time, without a second thought to my mother or God. Me, I was scared at first.  
By the time I was around thirteen, though, the fear wore off and the curiosity took over.

  
**In the name of the Father, the Skeptic and the Son  
I had one more stupid question  
We all had our reasons to be there  
We all had a thing or two to learn  
We all needed something to cling to  
So we did**

"But why didn't Noah just take all the Pokèmon?"  
"He took two of each kind."   
"But why just two?"  
"So they could breed."   
"But why just two? Why not *all* the Pokèmon? Then they could all breed."

  
**What I learned I rejected but I believe again  
I'll suffer the consequence of this inquisition  
If I jump in this fountain, will I be forgiven**

I thought I'd shaken them. All these years, I'd thought, 'I'm finally free of them and their God nonsense.' But you know what? I'm not. I can't help it. You get this shit pounded into your skull and you can't get it back out no matter how hard you try. It annoys the fuck out of me, but I can't help it. Deep inside, I know the pits are waiting for me.  
Maybe...if I quit Team Rocket, joined a church choir, maybe...I could save myself. Maybe. But I won't.   
Stupid fucking Catholics. They tried to instill morals in me; they failed. They tried to make me a devout church-goer; they failed. They tried to scare me shitless.  
They succeeded on so many levels.

**We all had our reasons to be there  
We all had a thing or two to learn  
We all needed something to cling to  
So we did**

  
I sigh and sit up, looking out the hotel window into the oblivion of the cloudy night sky. It's amazing, how little you think about death during the day, but how much you think about it at night.   
I mean, I'm never concerned with the destination of my immortal soul during the day. It's only at night I actually think about this shit. I mean, during the day, if it's bright enough out, I actually start to think that maybe I don't believe in that stuff anymore. Maybe I've finally escaped the Catholic church that haunted me as a child.   
Then it starts to rain, or night falls, and I realize I haven't even come close. 

  
**We all had delusions in our heads  
We all had our minds made up for us  
We had to believe in something   
So we did**

When the fuck did I ask for this? When did I say I wanted to spend my entire life deathly afraid of a God I was only half-sure existed? When?!  
Doesn't matter. I got what deserved, I guess. I kind of wanted something to cling to. I got it. Now I want to get away from it.  
But that's just how us Catholic girls can be. 


End file.
